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DrWho4

New Raider

  • "DrWho4" is male
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Posts: 1

Location: tulsa, ok

TR Platforms: PS2

Currently Playing: TR Legend and Anniversary

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1

Thursday, August 28th 2008, 3:07am

In Search of the Midas Mask-Part 1: Master Key

Lara had been skeptical of the Representative from Ohio from word go.
She knew he was being investigated as a possible suspect of interest in the death of Confidential Informant in a Meth deal.
Now he had used a prototype recorder the that uses Biometric to send her the needed information concerning the Mask/Helmet of King Midas.
The mythos surrounding the item was hazy at best.
King Midas turned his daughter to gold, he cursed the Gods in both stories.



Mythos 1: On cursing them only the hairline around to the bottom his chin was turned to gold; someone broke into his crypt and stole the faceplate, and posed as the reincarnated King.


Mythos 2: face from the or from the bottom his jaw around to just behind his skull was turned to gold. In his dispare one of the guards beheaded him, and someone posed as the King utilizing the Golden Helmet.
****


Arriving at the cavern temple described in the BMR (BioMetric Recorder) Lara was stunned to find over life like dolls of two explorers, and one of the priests?
Each 1/10 size?


The second a jade pillar reaching the roof with various pictographs, hieroglyphics. Practically a rosetta stone.
Quickly concealing herself behind a stone pew, her sights fell upon. "You didn't tell me someone else was after it." surprised the heavily burnt, wheezing figure didn't bring down the roof, with his wheezing; hands resting upon the hilts of her twin .375 Colt Pythons.
She was about to act when, when her attention was soon drawn towards the same area where his parka wearing bodyguards were advancing upon.


"Pl-Please no!" teenager on his first expedition recalling what the personification of Death did to his partners, and the sole Priest.
"Hey!" Lara bellowed, their attention soon upon her. "Pick on someone more evenly matched!" twins aimed both the parka wearing personal and the fellow Raider.

"Kill them." the burnt man wheezed.
Cocking her head, she fired upon the nearest parkaed bodyguard, and it was then she found out they were wearing. "Kevlar." using the pew to elevate her high into the air; Lara took careful aim the top of the bodyguard's heads, with same results? "Damn!" landing near the young man.


"When I tell you to run. Run." her only words; forcing a nod shaking his shoulders.


Spinning, drawing bead upon the twin bodyguards; her eyes soon fell upon the peculiar key in the burnt man's hand. Was that what she needed to get the Mask/Helmet?
Next thing the young man, and the personification of Death knew, Lara was sliding between the twin guards; he shook his hand when a shard of rock forced the Deathman to drop the key, which Lara promptly grabbed. "Thank you Love." blowing him a kiss; adding. "RUN!!!" kevlar-parka wearing guards promptly on her and the young man's heals :kiss :kiss :kiss


RedHell

Fridge Raider

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Posts: 2,767

Location: Hamburg

TR Platforms: PC, GBC, Xbox 360

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Tuesday, October 28th 2008, 9:41am

You went pretty straight to the action, and I always like this kind of fanfiction.
But I have to say that I'm a bit confused by your style of writing, and there are a few mistakes, for example:

Quoted

She was about to act when, when her attention was soon drawn towards the same area [...]

Maybe you could re-read your chapters briefly before posting them, just a suggestion ;-)

And I think it would have been a more elegant solution to describe the two different myths in her thoughts, for example, instead of just listing them. ;-)
"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept."