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Catracoth

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1

Monday, July 21st 2008, 9:49pm

Ha Ha - The Joke Thread

Why not, :-) ?

There was a white man, a Chinese man, and a black man. They went to McDonald's and ordered food before going to church. The white and Chinese man finished their food, but the black man put his burger in his pocket. They went to church and listened to the priest who said "Let Jesus in your hearts! Let Jesus in your mind! Let Jesus in your home! Let Jesus in your pocket!"

The black man stood up and screamed "NO! He might eat my cheeseburger!"

[hehe]

A lot funnier when my friend first told me that one.
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Tuesday, July 22nd 2008, 11:34am

Okay.....
Two pygmies are walking into a restaurant. One orders: Two short black !
Says the waiter: Yeah I see, and what would you like to drink ? :ouch:
I came.... I saw... I wondered.......!

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Tuesday, July 22nd 2008, 8:31pm

RE: Ha Ha - The Joke Thread


A lot funnier when my friend first told me that one.

That reminded me of a joke ;-)

There's a new, highly sought-after position that has just opened up in a company. There are three applicants - an engineer, a lawyer and an accountant. The employer decides to ask all three applicants a simple question, and the answer would determine who got the job.
The boss asks the engineer, "What is 2 + 2?". The engineer grabs a calculator and works furiously, coming up with an answer of 3.99856719... The employer nods his head and moves over to the lawyer, asking him the same question.
The lawyer launches into a complex answer, "Well, assuming that both parties are in agreement with the answer to the afore-mentioned problem and taking into account that there is no third-party infringements..." and finally arrives at the answer of 4. The head of the company nods again and moves over to the accountant, repeating the question, "What is 2 + 2?"
The account gives the boss a sly grin and answers, "What do you want it to be?"

*insert laughter here* ;-)
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Catracoth

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Tuesday, July 22nd 2008, 9:39pm

I don't get it, :oops: . I'm a little slow when it comes to jokes anyway, LOL!
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Friday, July 25th 2008, 6:59pm

Hahaha no prob. The accountant is hinting at rearranging the numbers to make the boss happy (insinuating that s/he does this for the accounts [hehe] ).
But it's probably just a lame joke :P

A blonde joke:
Did you hear the one about the two blondes that walked into the library?

Spoiler Spoiler

Neither of them even saw it


:rofl :rofl :rofl [hehe]
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Catracoth

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Friday, July 25th 2008, 7:40pm

What about the one blonde that went to the library? She approaches the librarian and says "Hi, I'd like a Big Mac and a large Coke."

The librarian says, "Miss, this is a library."

The blonde says, "Oh, I am so sorry.", she whispers, "I'll have a Big Mac and a large Coke."

[hehe]
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Monday, July 28th 2008, 12:01pm

[b] A[/b] man and his
wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the
pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the
husband, "It is three o'clock in the morning." He slams the door and returns to
bed.

"Who was that?" asked
his wife.

"Just some drunk guy
asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks. "No.
I did not. It is three o'clock in the morning and it is pouring rain outside!!."
His wife said, "Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and
those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed
of yourself!"

The man does as he is
told (of course!), gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out
into the dark, "Hello! Are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the
answer.

"Do you still need a
push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes! Please!" comes the
reply from the darkness.
"Where are you?" asks
the husband.

"Over here on the
swing!!" replies the drunk.
:rofl
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Saturday, August 2nd 2008, 7:27pm

:rofl Nice!

EuroEnglish:

The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": --

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgracful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!

[hehe]
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Saturday, August 2nd 2008, 11:33pm

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

The thing is, my English teacher actually speaks like that [hehe]
scio me nihil scire

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Sunday, August 3rd 2008, 10:55am

:rofl @ your teacher! That is a bit bad. :P
:grins glad you liked!
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Catracoth

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11

Sunday, August 3rd 2008, 1:58pm

This one may be a bit offensive, but I thought it was funny.

Four gay guys walk into a bar and encounter one problem: there's only one barstool. One of the guys said, "Let's flip for it." One of the others said "Nah, let's just flip it over."

[hehe]
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Tuesday, August 5th 2008, 6:59pm

AAArgh! But so funny, lol.

A long story short:

A missionary goes to Africa to visit a community, a very old, primitive tribal community. He gives a long sermon. For half an hour he tells a long anecdote, and then the interpreter stands up. He speaks only four words and everyone laughs uproariously. The missionary is puzzled. How is it possible that a story half an hour long can be translated in four words. What kind of amazing language is this? Puzzled, he says to the interpreter, "You have done a miracle. You have spoken only four words. I don't know what you said, but how can you translate my story, which was so long, into only four words?"

The interpreter says, "Story too long, so I say, 'He says joke -- laugh!' "
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Catracoth

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Tuesday, August 5th 2008, 10:45pm

:rofl

I love that one! That was a good one.
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Friday, September 5th 2008, 7:28am

Little Rose asks her mum, " Mum why did you name me Rose? "
Mum: " That's because when we took you home, a little rose petal fell on your head."
Little Rose: " OK , and what about Lily ? "
Mum: " That's because when we took her home a little lily petal fell on her head. "
There comes a little voice from one of the bedrooms.....
" And what about me ? "
Mum: " Err, shut up Brick. " :lol:
I came.... I saw... I wondered.......!

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Wednesday, December 31st 2008, 4:00am

l

i saw something similar to that joke-it was inapropriet though so well just leave it at that..lol! [hehe]
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Friday, November 15th 2013, 3:38pm

Here's another joke for this thread...

A drunk man staggers back home, only to be confronted by his really angry wife - who is about to beat him into a pulp with a rolling pin. But before his wife can hit him, he cries out "but wait - you'll never believe this...I've just been to a pub where everything is made of gold - the counter, the tankards, the chairs...even the toilets !" His wife, curiosity aroused replies "really ?...even the toilets are made of gold ?" "Yes ! - the pub's called The Golden Crown - it just opened up the road !" her beleaguered husband cries - before staggering up the stairs to his bed.

The next day, the wife decides to make a phone call to this intriguing establishment. A nice lady answers the phone. The wife asks "is it true that you have a counter, chairs, and tankards made of gold ?" "Yes" was the reply. Amazed, the wife asks "what ?...That's amazing - is it true that the toilets are made of gold too ?! - My husband was there until late last night !" There is a pause on the other end of the phone line, before the nice lady can be heard saying "hey, Brian...I found out who pissed in your Tuba !" [hehe]

Well, I thought it was funny... ^^